Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
