when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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