So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
cat food counts as protein by the way
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
