so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
How does it feel to date your dad?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
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