gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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