I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
