So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
