I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
