That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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