so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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