I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
