my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
