i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
