Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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