The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
