The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
