How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
