The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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