Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
