So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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