Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
