So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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