You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
