I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Michael Bay diarrhea
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
