That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
