I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
