You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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