I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
