So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
