I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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