My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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