Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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