After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
