im so drunk with asians
where?
always
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
