So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
