last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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