i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
