I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
