That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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