I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
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