It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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