If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
