very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
