How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
