You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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