my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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