Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
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