After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
