chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
