I could have mohawked her pubes.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
