I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
