Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
