"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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