I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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