I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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